dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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