I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Randomize
