Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
