I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I want to have your abortion
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize