Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
