I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
