I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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