but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
