Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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