If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
