instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
