we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
