she was so not down for the gang bang
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
