don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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