Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
