He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
