I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
