we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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