A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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