I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
