You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
