I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
