literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize