we have officially lost it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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