I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
