There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
