Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
