i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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