i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
