I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
