we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
