just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We have so much sex to catch up on
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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