I wannas sexs uuuuu
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
