My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
