Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
