what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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