My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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