who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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