Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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