Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
worst night to have a conscience
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
