Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I am one with the molecules
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
