At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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