At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
