it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
