I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize