The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
