i jhust puked up my retainher.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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