i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
