period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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