i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
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So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
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Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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