He is an equal opportunity slut.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
