Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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