WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
