There was a lot of him and a little penis
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize