before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
