just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
