Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
