you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
