my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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