So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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