I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
