Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
