i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Someone signed my nipple.
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