Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
