oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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