You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
