if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
this just has baby written all over it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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