i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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