I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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