We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I want her autograph on my taint
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
