he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
