he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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