his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
