So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
