Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
