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so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
